Two lines.
Two.
Twice--once yesterday afternoon, once this morning.
Two.
Jeff saw them, too.
Two lines, saying a little lovebug just might be growing in my belly.
The first time we did an IUI cycle, I took a home pregnancy test two days before I was scheduled for bloodwork. It was stark white, and it put me into a frenzy for the next two days. I wavered between thinking I'd just tested too early to knowing the truth--that the cycle wasn't successful. When the call came after bloodwork, with it came the waterworks.
The second time, I didn't test at home--because I had every pregnancy symptom in the book already. I was trying desperately to convince myself it wasn't true (so I wouldn't be disappointed), but the reality was that I knew the IUI had worked. When the call came in, Jeff and I were so exhilarated that he screamed and I dropped the phone--we just "knew" this had to be the one. As you know, though, that ended in waterworks, too.
This time, I don't have a single symptom--other than exhaustion (which I can also chalk up to the hectic pace of the end of the year as a teacher). This time, I broke the rules a bit in the two weeks after the IUI--I kept running (though I slowed my pace a bit), went on a crazy camping trip (with an infection, nonetheless!), and even took sips of Jeff's beer or wine here and there. As a result, with M. coming over for dinner last night, I decided to just take a test at home so I could "rule out" pregnancy and enjoy a glass of wine. But those two little lines had something different in mind for me.
Jeff and I aren't excited--yet. We still believe it might just be a trick, a blip in hormones caused by something other than pregnancy that turned that second line pink. Jeff says he's holding out for the bloodwork Friday--but I'm holding out for August, when I'd be out of the first trimester. Last night, my brain started running wild, thinking about what time I'd take off at school and when I'd be able to tell colleagues, friends, and family, but I quickly reigned it back in. I've gone down that rabbit hole twice and had to crawl back out when it all fell apart. I'm not ready to do that again.
So, for now, the little lovebug is our little secret. Or at least we hope there's a little lovebug to have as our secret.
I remember this day. :) But I also hate how guarded your excitement is in this post. I hate how loss moms just can't enjoy their consequent pregnancies as much. It just sucks. But I'm so glad that Button decided to hang on for the long haul!
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