From strength to joy

The pictures above were taken almost exactly a year apart, at the exact same corn maze and pumpkin patch in Leesburg, Virginia, but that's where the similarities end. 

A year ago, I was writing this post. Just a week after we'd learned our first IUI cycle had failed, I was raw and hurting, drowning in a swamp of pain and hopelessness. That weekend, Jeff took me to the pumpkin patch, simply to put a bright spot in a cloudy week, simply to make me smile, simply to reassure me that life would go on and we would find joy again. When he showed me the picture he'd taken of me standing on the hay bale, I was entranced by the apparent determination in my pose, by the beautiful clouds swooping behind me, by the confidence projected in my profile. My husband had captured the strength I didn't feel and--through a simple photograph--had showed me that I had the temerity I'd need to press forward.

Today, we returned to that patch with the little pumpkin happily tap dancing in my belly. As we sat at a picnic table, snacking on corn dogs and chicken nuggets before entering the maze, my eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't make the words express the emotion overwhelming my heart, but Jeff understood all the same. Our little miracle constantly reminds us of the road we've walked to get here, and not a day goes by that we don't remember what life was like a year or two ago. And so, as I sat in the midst of the pumpkin patch, with a little pumpkin the size of her nestled in my lap, with a cloudless sky over my head, Jeff yet again managed to capture in a photographic instant exactly what I needed to see. There is no fear on my face, no worry about this Thursday's ultrasound, no anxiety about whether I'll be a good enough mom. All that I can see is joy in its purest form.

All that I can see is how far a year has brought us.

(Jeff insisted on giving me a preview of my future appearance at the patch today.

As I listen to him paint the nursery above me this evening, one thing is clear:

his joy, too, is infectious!)