Happy Tears

Our little Beanster, measuring 6 weeks, 2 days, with a perfect little heartbeat of 111 bpm!

That's my uterus! That's our Beanster!

Yesterday morning was the appointment I feared so much. As we waited to be called into the ultrasound room, I focused on a verse a good friend had given to me: "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" (Deuteronomy 31:8). The more I prayed, the more I heard "do not be discouraged" reverberating in my head. I was anticipating disappointment, but why?

When our doctor and ultrasound tech walked into the room to greet us, both said "Congratulations!" For the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. There was nothing to congratulate, as far as I could tell. With a quick assessment, they started right in on the ultrasound, gently explaining what they were seeing. The only word I cared about was "heartbeat," though, so it took me a moment when our tech said "and there's the cardiac activity!" A second of comprehension later, the tears started.

Cardiac Activity.
Heartbeat.
Little Life.

When talking with the women in my RCC small group in the waiting period between our IUI and positive bloodwork, I tearfully confessed that I knew it would take a miracle to get me pregnant, and I just wasn't sure those were possible any longer. Those women, who love me so dearly, were the strong rocks they always are as they reassured me that it was alright to be naked and humbled before our Father, to admit that my faith was failing me. That night, they prayed for a miracle on my behalf, as I quietly cried and soaked first my sleeve and then a Kleenex.

So this is our tiny miracle, with a tiny, beating heart. And, Father, we are humbled before you.