International Double Date!

You remember Jenn, right? Our fabulous friend (and author of this equally fabulous blog) who we visited in Canada this summer? Well, Jenn had a goal this year to try 10 new recipes this year. When she set that goal, I suggested that we try one of those new recipes "together"--meaning we'd make it on the same night and have a long-distance "double date." It took us a little while to get it together, but we finally did!

Since Jenn is both gluten-free and dairy-free, the recipe selection was up to her, but Jeff and I had no complaints when she sent us the link to this Paleo Pulled Pork. (Alright... well, living in the South now, we were a little skeptical--particularly of the pineapple included in the ingredient list--but we were still game!)

Since the recipe is a crock pot one, we started by gathering the ingredients for the sauce the night before (Wednesday).

Don't be fooled--neither one of these sous-chefs was any help at all! :-)

The next step was putting together the sauce in our Cuisinart, which actually turned out to be incredibly easy.

One of my supposed sous-chefs is still clowning around!

In just ten minutes, my jars were sealed! I'd been sending texts to Jenn throughout the process (the poor girl was knocked down with a cold and not ready to start the cooking process yet!), and she approved our product.

By this time, Rosie had grown tired of the process, but Jeff was still enjoying photo-bombing!

Before going to bed that night, Jeff helped me cut our massive pork shoulder into two parts (we actually used a bone-in cut of meat for more flavor) so it would fit in our not-so-big Crock-Pot. The next step came at 6AM the next morning (Thursday)--but I spared you the photo. At that point, I took the ceramic Crock-Pot out of the fridge, put it in the metal holder, added some salt, pepper, and garlic plus the broth, and turned it on low for the next eight hours. 

When I got home at 2:00PM that afternoon, I discovered two things: 1) our house smelled amazing, and 2) the small portion of pork that hadn't been covered by broth was impossible to shred. So, since I only had 30 minutes before leaving for a doctor's appointment, I made do by shredding everything that would, removing the bone, adding the sauce and onions, putting the "roasted" part (that hadn't softened in the broth) in whole, and letting it go for another 5 hours.

And what deliciousness awaited that night (when even the "roasted" pork was so simple to shred)! Even Jeff was impressed by the time he got home, and he was more than ready to dig in by 7:30pm. We roasted some sweet potatoes to put on the side (just sliced sweet potatoes, salt, pepper, and olive oil in the oven at about 425 degrees for 45 minutes or so), which we thought would be a perfect compliment.

At that point, in spite of reminding Jeff this was supposed to be a double date and Jenn's pork wasn't quite yet ready, there was no holding him back. Thankfully, Jenn and Dan were awfully understanding and let us dive in first!

And dive in we did! (There's no telling how fast Button will get ravenous on any given night--and this night, once she smelled the pork, she went from zero to sixty in no time at all.)

Was it pulled pork like we traditionally think of pulled pork? Not exactly. Was it still delicious? Totally! Did it make enough to feed us for the rest of that week plus portions to freeze? Definitely! And was it awesome to have our first international double date? Absolutely! :-)

To read Jenn's account of our double date, check out her post here.

There's a first time for... a lot of things!

After our incredible anatomy scan last week, we kicked off a week of "firsts" that still haven't stopped! Each one was a new step towards being parents, which made each one a little more terrifying than the last, but I imagine this is the kind of dual exhilaration/fear we'll be facing as we raise our daughter for years to come. Perhaps this is just God's way of gently starting to train us...

The First Time We've Been Half-Baked

It's nearly impossible to believe, but it's been 20 weeks since we started our injections way back in early May, which means that we're halfway to Button's arrival! (And I know she's going to grow oh-so-much in the four and a half months remaining, but I can't believe how small my belly still is most days!) We feel so incredibly blessed to have reached this incredible milestone and to know that our little girl is just going to bake away for the next 20 weeks (give or take) before we get to snuggle her in our arms.

A little mama-Button treat for tonight--some Ben and Jerry's "Half-Baked"
frozen yogurt to celebrate our little girl's big milestone!

The First Big Purchase

After much research and deliberation, Jeff and I were pretty set on the Britax Travel System (stroller and infant car seat), but we were going to wait on purchasing it for a while yet... until we learned that the color we'd fallen in love with (the kiwi green pictured above) was being discontinued. Oh--and it was on 25% off sale at our new favorite baby store, Great Beginnings. So Button now has her first set of wheels, and Daddy will proudly tell anyone who asks that his girls will be seen when they cross the street! Up next: ordering the glider and ottoman that we've finally decided on--and here's Jeff with a preview of the wood and fabric.

The First Time I've Celebrated Button with My Students

On Monday morning, it was finally time to let the bump fly! I gathered my eleven senior girls in advisory--the girls I've been watching grow and helping on their journeys for four years now--and placed the cake (pictured above) on the table in front of them. Their reactions were nothing short of exuberant--there were hugs from each and every one, a plethora of questions (to find out the gender, they had to cut into the cake!), and a babble of excited voices as they began planning a shower, babysitting rotation, and general care of their soon-to-be "little sister." By the end of the block, they'd tweeted the news to the whole senior class, and the rest of the day was a blur of hugs, cheers, and well-wishes from the students I love so much. I couldn't have dreamed up anything better!

The First Work Maternity Clothes

After dragging my feet forever, I finally bought some maternity work pants (and shirts) this week--thank goodness for GapMaternity! This week at school has been the most comfortable one since we started classes four weeks ago; my Bella Bands did their jobs as long as they were able, but they've now been retired. And the added bonus? Full-panel maternity pants really highlight Button's (little) bump in some (slightly bigger) ways!

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With all these exciting milestones, though, comes a time of reflection on how life was a year ago. When Jeff and I learned that a dear friend had an early miscarriage yesterday--her third--our hearts broke as we remembered our own anguish. Perhaps our joy is that much sweeter because of what has gone before, but it cannot erase the heartache of the past.

Last night, a good friend sent me the picture below accompanied by this message: "You were sad that night. What a difference a year can make."

How right she is. The photo was taken at a Zac Brown Band concert last October. It was one of the first chilly fall nights, we had tickets to stand right next to the stage, we were with a huge crew of friends, and the band is one of our favorites. And yet I spent the night in tears. We'd just finished our first IUI, and I was convinced it wouldn't work (turns out, I was right). I was devastated to think of how much money we'd spent just for a chance at a child of our own, and I was grasping for hope but finding none. In spite of Jeff's arm wrapped tightly around me and his attempt to inspire a genuine smile from me, I was just sad.

What a difference a year makes. Because you know what the best "first" of this week was? The look on my sweet husband's face last night when he felt his daughter kick him for the first time. The surprise and joy, the shock and delight was enough to make me giggle out loud. He looked at my belly in awe, hand pressed against my skin, and whispered, "Hello, little girl."

"Hello" indeed, sweet world of firsts.

Inch by Inch, Row by Row--Looks Like Our Garden's Ready to Grow!

I think it's time.

We're sort of past the point of no return; my belly has outstretched all of my pants, our friends and family are all overjoyed, and even my students will finally officially find out on Monday. So, without further ado, please welcome our little Button to Inch by Inch!

Our Baby Button

As you will find (should you choose to read through the dozen or so posts, beginning here, that I'm now finally publishing below this one), our third injections/IUI cycle resulted in this pregnancy back in the beginning of June. There were numerous early moments of anxiety, but, thanks to a fabulous team at Shady Grove Fertility, we were well monitored each step of the way. You can walk through the last four months and share our fears and worries, our milestones and celebrations, and our ultimate joy--or, if you're a bit more impatient, you can just celebrate today with us.

Yesterday, our Baby Button turned 19 weeks. Today, we went for our anatomy scan, the "big" ultrasound where we'd get to see all of Button's organs developing and learn if things were alright. Oh--and where we'd find out the gender, if our little one turned out to miraculously not be as stubborn as mom.

Guess what? She wasn't stubborn at all, and she is pretty darn perfect.

That's right--Lord willing, on or around February 13, 2014, our little daughter will be entering the world. She will be greeted with more love than she can imagine, buoyed by more prayers than she can fathom, and surrounded with an abundance of family--both the ones of our blood and the ones of our hearts. She will be the rainbow after the two-year storm that her mommy and daddy have endured. And she will be worth every bit of pain--physical and emotional. We know that, because she already is.

When I started this blog in early January 2012, it was supposed to be Blueberry's story. For a while, it became a winding road full of grief and hope, despair and possibility. Our sweet little Beanster took over for a few brief weeks before the darkness set back in--until we found our way back into the Light. And now it becomes Button's story--and our story and Beanster's story and Blueberry's story--for Button's story cannot be written without those other ones, the ones that came before, the ones that paved the way, the ones that taught us that grief is not everlasting and that joy does return one bright morning after the darkest night we've known.

Thank you for standing by us through the years of darkening shadows. Now we can't wait to rollick with you in the sunshine!

Button is Popping!

Written September 14, 2013.

It's been a whirlwind couple of weeks with the start of school, and all my energy has been devoted to getting to know my new students, making sure I'm doing a solid job of meal planning for the week, and--of course--growing a human. There's not much energy left over for this mama--which is why you're getting a 2-for-the-price-of-one post.

On the first day of school, my Button bump became decidedly harder and more fixed; instead of taking all day before I looked pregnant, there were noticeable changes right from the time my alarm went off at 6AM. Of course, that also means my school clothes aren't fitting as well as I might hope, so there's been a lot of Bella band-ing to get me through the days. At 17 weeks in the evening (as you can see above), the bump was quite substantial, which is why 18 weeks (taken in the afternoon) looks perhaps a bit less obvious.

Actually, that would be 18 weeks, 2 days. It was quite a job to get my photo done this week! The first attempt was on Thursday night, the actual day I turned 18 weeks, when I had a 14-hour day at school, thanks to Back to School night. When Jeff came upstairs to get my photo, this was all he found:

So, 18 weeks exactly was a bit of a bust. Instead, we went for 18 weeks, 1 day, on Friday night, before we went out to dinner with friends. I'd just bought my first maternity dress--which I was super-excited to wear--but the amount of primping and preening I did made us run late, so all we managed was this shot:

And so we arrived at today, 18 weeks, 2 days, and the photo at the top of this post. It's quite a milestone--I'm wearing my first ever pair of maternity jeans, and I love them! I was trying to hold out until after our anatomy scan, but Button didn't really get on board with that plan, so I caved. Oh--and we have one more photo to show from this week (one that we're planning to repeat in the weeks to come!):

It's hard to believe that the next post I write will be the one after our anatomy scan, after we (hope and pray to) see our healthy little wiggly worm, after we find out whether we've got a little boy or girl on the way in February. And it will finally be the post where Button goes public in the world.

Such big steps for such a little one.

Button's First Storytime

Written August 29, 2013.

Jeff and Button discover Ferdinand the Bull--together.

I decided it was high time for Button to have a little evening story time, so, when we curled up in bed last night, Jeff brought Ferdinand the Bull--a children's story given to me by my wonderful aunt. Button is just big enough now that the swell in my belly shows, even when I'm lying down, and Jeff did and excellent job of getting right down to Button's level to read. I'm not sure who was more entranced by the story and accompanying pictures--Jeff, Button, Rosie, Guillie, or Ozzy--but it was definitely our first family story time, and it was perfect.

I can't wait for all the stories we have to discover and write together!

Oh--and today we are 16 weeks! Looks like Button is definitely itching to be seen by the world, whether I'm ready or not...

Whoosh-Whoosh!

Written August 23, 2013.

Jeff and I had the incredible joy of hearing the most wonderful sound in the world this morning: Button's whooshing heartbeat on our doctor's Doppler! Since it's been almost a month since our last appointment, and since many of my symptoms have faded but I can't feel movement yet, it's often hard to believe Button is really in there. And so, while I went into today's appointment with more hope than I did in the first trimester, there was still that little doubt, until that wonderful whooshing began!

Our doctor was able to find the heartbeat immediately and told us Button is squirming around and sounds perfect. Those were wonderful words to hear, but the best part of the morning was simply lying back, holding Jeff's hand, closing my eyes, and listening to that sweet, sweet rhythm.

Our family suffered a kind of loss yesterday; my parents' second home burned in a sudden fire in the wee hours of the morning. Blessedly, they were not there and no one was injured, and the firefighters worked tirelessly all day to prevent the fire from spreading to other houses on the street. We lost a lot of things--some of them mere articles of clothing or pieces of furniture, but others much more sentimental--the creche my dad's best friend built for us, the cross I stitched for my mum in college, the framed collection of verses on fathers and mothers that I gave my parents in high school. The memories contained in those things remain, but the tangible reminders of those memories are no longer ours to hold.

And yet, how good is our God? In the midst of loss, our family is celebrating the joy of new life as we begin sharing our news with our extended family and friends. In the destruction of treasured memories, there are new memories created as we hear a heartbeat for the first time. In the realization that nothing is truly ours on this earth, there is the reminder that our Father gives us the greatest gifts on loan from heaven for a little while.

Button, you are so loved--not just by your mom and dad, but now by a much larger world who can't wait to meet you. You are a tiny (navel-orange-sized!) ball of hope already, and I am so blessed to hold you securely in my tummy, protecting you as best I know how.

Hello, Second Tri!

Written August 17, 2013.

Somebody was pretty excited about the Button belly this morning!

I really thought this week would be the post that introduced Button to my lovely, blog-reading public, but it turns out that my much-anticipated lessening of anxiety with the start of second trimester hasn't been as seamless as I hoped. Don't get me wrong--I'm thrilled to be 14 weeks, 2 days today, but I'm no less terrified that something will go wrong.

Actually, that's not entirely true--with 6 ultrasounds behind us (including stellar results from the NT scan that put our risk of three significant trisomy disorders very low) and the confidence of our doctors supporting us, I certainly feel better than I did at 5-7 weeks. But it was still terrifying to tell our families last week, I nearly had a panic attack when Jeff told a close friend and neighbor today, and I've already delayed the plan to tell our church family and close co-workers until at least after our next check-up (at 15 weeks, 1 day). Jeff has started teasing me about how I'll just wait to tell anyone until I show up with a stroller and a newborn--and he just may be getting close to the truth!

All those worries can't stop me from posting round two of bump (or lack-of-bump) photos, though! (It should be noted that the week 12 photos were taken in the morning, meaning the "Button bloat" hadn't set it yet, while the photos from weeks 13 and 14 below were from evening photo sessions--hence the "blump" factor that makes me look much bigger than week 12!)

So, without further ado, here's 13 weeks (taken at my parents' beautiful farm in the northwest corner of Connecticut).

And, not yet a big difference, but here's 14 weeks (at the farm once again).

One of the friends in my online support group referred to this stage of pregnancy as "ninja baby"--and she's exactly right! It's tough to have many symptoms lessening, to go from doctor's appointments every 1-2 weeks to check-ups once a month, and yet not to have a real bump or flutters of movement to reassure me all is well with Button. I'm grateful for the distraction of summer school next week, which will hopefully help the time fly until our appointment next Friday.

And then, maybe--just maybe--Button will be ready to meet the world.